Comments on: My Crazy, Controlling Dad Explained

By: antifolkhero

antifolkhero — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 19:18:40 +0000

Heh, no one has asked me what I ended up doing, but in the end I decided to take the money and go to law school. I’m currently in my third year. I don’t see my dad as much as a I used to and I think our relationship has improved because of this. The truth is that my Dad’s attitude and controlling personality are mainly based around money, and now that I am paying for everything (as of this year) we really have nothing to fight for. I know that my Dad wants the best for me, but his discussion of money always makes him crazy. I love him even though I hate the way he acts sometimes. No one is perfect, but I’m so happy that this post has helped so many other people to vent their frustrations and find camaraderie with others through the internet. Thanks for asking.

By: Jennifer Taylor

Jennifer Taylor — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 18:56:34 +0000

What did you end up doing? I would have chosen the big loans, which I did, and graduated and paid off my loans. I am now 42 and am still dealing with my controlling dad who wanted me to run his company. This is the 3rd time I have gone to work for him, and he still has not changed. He is 79 years old, and still thinks I am almost worthless, regardless of my success rate outside of this company. Just love him because he is your dad, and tolerate his existence and strive not to be like him.

By: Jon

Jon — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 04:52:08 +0000

Get out of the house and live on your own. Take out a loan and find a cheaper school if need be. Don’t take a penny, as it will only be used against you and lead to endless frustration. When I left home, it was the smartest thing I ever did. Live, Work, Learn, Have fun, Then work some more, and keep good records so you dont inadvertantly become like your father in the future.

By: Angel

Angel — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 02:27:49 +0000

I understand what you mean exactly.My dad’s almost exactly like that.He wants to control my life 24x.He’s ruining my life.Being a Christian,I’m trying my best to react appropriately to his anger.People say:Talk to him.Impossible.
He’s yelling right now.Just spending this time online may make him cut off Net connection.
I can’t wait to stay on my own-someday.
Hope you’re doing better.

By: anonymous

anonymous — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 14:52:56 +0000

My dad is just the same as all of yours. He is always right about everything and everyone else is always wrong. He belittles everyone and constantly criticises and deamens his children and our mum. No one can reason with him. Whenever we try to talk to him about how things are he manages to make himself seem right. He has educated all of us children but like someone else said in one of their posts has no interest in what the education has taught us or how it not shapes our lives. I think it all boils down to control. As the children turn into adults they fail to realise they can no longer control.
He also manages to make himself seem like a victim to other other people and is friendly and happy with other people. It’s as if though he hates his children who he should love the most.
Unless people are in the same situation they fail to realise how this type of father makes life into hell.

By: vipin

vipin — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 02:12:38 +0000

I just wanna keep this short but i wanna say that I have the same problem.

My father doesn’t respect me for who I am and expects so much from me that it’s tearing me apart on the inside. He controls me every day to the very second. He tells me who my friends should be, what he believes I should be doing, everything I do is a failure to him. I have no options left, I can only stay and take his abuse until I graduate from college. Afterward my plan is simple. To move away, move away and never come back.

By: doug

doug — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 19:00:21 +0000

my story begins like this

i wuz always a failure in my dad’s eyes from as long as i can remember. when i was a boy, i would come home with a good report card(80’s 90’s), and he wouldn’t even bother looking at it. As i grew older my marks started slipping, and the verbal and vioolence began. he startred using the belt on me, and using me as an example to my sisters. he would simply hit me in the face if i never greeted him, and told me that i had the manners of a dog. i was always trying to figure out if i was a mistake or something. he tries to fill me with self-doubt and indescissiveness. he doesn’t want me to do anything unless he has a say in it. i sometimes wished i was dead because of him. thank goodness i’m not alone. its nice to no that their others out there who’ve gone through what i have. i don’t feel so isolated anymore

thanks guys:)

By: joanna

joanna — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 14:54:34 +0000

thank god im not the only one who has a father exactly like yours! my dad is so controlling. Just because he paid for my school tuition he thinks that he can rule over me when it was not my choice to! At the end of the day i have always said that i value my pride and happiness more than i do money!! He is so controlling that he said that he has to choose my uni for me but he is thinking about places so far away and i want to go to london where all my family is like my half brothers and sisters whom he hates as they are his step children and has been violent to for many years. He is so insulting to my mother and insults her to me as well. He has now left our house and got a new place for himself although he still comes in because he has a spare key! It annoys me because he is obviously using us so we can do his washing and make his dinner. He also has the cheek to say that after school he is picking me up to take him to his new place to clean up for him. I dont believe in the word hate but someone who is as horrible as my dad does not deserve kids he is insulting violent, rude and very vindictive as he is always planning up things to hurt my brothers and sister and my mum i really want to get away from this and stand up for myself.
please comment on yuor opinion on what i should do

By: yims

yims — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 02:38:08 +0000

Wow, I’m so surprised at how so many of these scenarios sound like my own. I plugged in “dealing with a controlling dad” and this was the first link on google

My dad is also like the one that has this amazing capacity to talk for hours on end and gets enraged when contradicted. I thought it was just part of the whole controlling Asian parents thing (it sort of is) but my dad in particular is very dominating and completely self-absorbed that he doesn’t even care how others feel. And yes, he seems to do well outside the house, has many friends and no one knows his real side.

I’m 26 now, and until my last year in college I put up with his crap and tried so hard to be the model daughter he wanted me to be…but it was never good enough.

To make matters worse, I became Christian during college and since then, He’s been blaming everything that he’s dissatisified with in me on my church (and not on Christ, isn’t that funny).

It is really hard; and I don’t know when things will get better. I want to be loving to my parents so running away or cutting ties isn’t an option…but when will there be a turn?

By: Diana Lee

Diana Lee — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 03:11:25 +0000

You’re not my brother are you? I would swear we grew up in the same household. Probably not, though. My father was not as successful as yours.
He did have many friends connected to his business. He is retired now. Eighteen years. No friends what so ever. He managed to alienate himself from every one. He calls his children daily to try and control over the phone. It’s sad. I believe he knows how he is. He just can’t help it.
The only thing you can do is tell yourself that somewhere, someone in your dad’s life did a real number on him. Try to see it from that view. It helps.

Diana