Bla bla bla who cares said bush to somebody

During a very special press conference held on the lawn of the White House this morning, Bush renewed the faith of his core believers while responding to a jibe from a reporter.

R: “Mr. President, is it true that bla bla bla bla bla bla bla Iraq bla bla bla liar bla bla bla bla bla bla bla weapons of mass destruction bla poopdy pants?”

Bush: “The American people need bla. I have given them bla, by bla bla blaing the bla. I bla the bla. Therefore neener neener you’re a wiener time for lunch.”

This telling exchange reminds this reporter of other classic exchanges between past presidents under fire and their detractors, such as Herbert Hoover’s exchange with a poor man on the street.

Poor man: Whymysopoor?

WW: Bla bla bla best interests of the American people bla bla bla need my caviar bla eating the flesh of the living bla. Buh bla bla bla bla bla hot air bla bla.

Anal Rapage; Getting Towed In the City of Los Angeles

So let’s say that one day you have a class. For me, it was a yoga class, but it could be you going out to dinner, a movie, or anything where you might park your car at a meter. There are cars at all of the other meters, you put in your money and you walk away.

Upon leaving my yoga class, I walked to spot where I had left my car only to find that my car was gone. Upon more closely examining the street signs, I found that the meter I had parked at was in a “No Parking 4 to 6″ zone. Keep in mind this is on a rinky dink side street off of Wilshire; not Olympic or Pico, where a parked car really blocks a lane. There was no lane for my car to block. So I go to the towing place to pick up my car and these are the charges:

Light Duty Towing Charge 1 Hour @ $101.50/Hour 101.50

Release Fee 48.00

Outdoor Storage Charge 31.50

Can you believe these absolute scum of the earth pieces of shit had the nerve to bill me for “outdoor storage?” I was ready for head bashing time but I settled for telling the tow place guy that he was a rip off artist and to have a shitty day.

But the real straw that broke the camel’s back was that once I got my car, there was a ticket on the car!! On top of charging me out the nose for ridiculous, made up towing charges, they gave me a seventy dollar ticket! People take note; when all of the government’s money goes to war funding in Iraq, they’ll beat you like a carpet on a rail for cash to keep going. My deepest regards and a big fuck you to the city of Los Angeles. Oh, and Quick Silver Towing, who can also go fuck themselves.

Presidential Candidates as “Cool New People?”

If you’re like most Americans under the age of 40, you probably have a Myspace homepage that you check obsessively throughout the day. I, unfortunately, am one of these people. Recently, however, I noticed something that was too unlikely to be a coincidence. Go and see for yourself.

Go to the Myspace homepage. Not your personal Myspace homepage, but the generic one that is filled with advertisements and other spam. For the past two days in a row, I’ve noticed that among the “cool new people,” the third person listed is a candidate for the presidency. Coincidence? It must be, considering how far any of them would be from my description of cool new people.

Today there was the conspicuous head-shot of a white haired octogenarian named “Chris.” You quickly find out, upon clicking his link, that he is a Republican candidate for president named Chris Dodd.

Yesterday the third cool new person was “Mitt Romney,” next to Kristal and <3 Sarah <3. I guess the advertisement people at Myspace believe that if they just move the name over the the third and last in the cool new people section, users won’t notice the the product placement. However, they have misunderestimated us.

Myspace is selling ads outside of traditional adspace and creating an environment where we live and breathe advertisements. Send a message to Myspace’s contact page telling them you don’t want spam in your cool new people section!!!!! Here is a link.

UPDATE: Joe Biden is up there now.

The Cucumber King

Nyaung-u Sawrahan

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Nyaung-u Sawrahan (Burmese: ညောင္‌ဦးစောရဟန္‌း; MLCTS: nyaung u: sau ra. han:; also spelt Ngyaung-ú-Tsau Rahán; died 964) was a ruler of the kingdom of Pagan in what is now Myanmar. He is also known as Taungthumingyi (ေတာင္‌သူက္ရီးမင္‌း).

Nyaung-u Sawrahan usurped the previous king, Theinhko. Previously a farmer, he killed Theinhko when that king took a cucumber from his field. Nyaung-u Sawrahan was accepted as king by the queen to prevent unrest in the kingdom and became known as the Cucumber King. There is a similar story in Cambodian history and both stories may be legends.

Nyaung-u Sawrahan reigned for 33 years and was overthrown by Kunhsaw Kyaunghpyu, who in turn was overthrown by Nyaung-u Sawrahan’s sons Kyiso and Sokka-te.

Why Standing Up To Your Boss Works

Below is an email exchange between my girlfriend and her boss. She works an internship at a magazine twice a week for 5 hours each time, writes for her campus newspaper, works this job (that sucks and pays her meagerly) and is taking a full time, three class load. Her boss had the nerve to send her the following letter:

On 4/11/07, H.W.(the boss) wrote: Hi N.,

As you are now working split shifts of two- and three-hour intervals, it is not appropriate to eat lunch during that time. California law provides that employees must receive a 30-minute meal break if they work in excess of five hours.

It’s fine if you’d like to stay for a few minutes after you finish work at noon, or come in early before you resume working at 2 p.m.

Please let me know if you have any suggestions or questions.

Best, H.

My girlfriend, being the extremely intelligent and no-bullshit person that she is, promptly responded. She had been wanting to quit this job for months as the work was tough and her new boss was especially crabby. Instead of apologizing for eating her lunch at work, she responded with the following:

—–Original Message—–
From: N.E.

Sent: Thursday, April 12, 2007 8:00 AM

To: H.W., K.N., A.K.
Subject: Re: Work Thursday

Hi H.,

I appreciate your concern. I do have my own to contribute.

When I leave after my two hour shift, I go to class. I don’t have time to eat. On those days when my professor ends the class early, I will, for now on, take those minutes to eat lunch.

On the other hand, on those days when my professor doesn’t end the class early, it doesn’t take me more than ten minutes to eat lunch, and I usually can do it while I’m working. I do not think it interferes with my work or dampens my overall productivity. Furthermore, I think that an atmosphere where an activity like eating is not strictly monitored would allow for a more positive work environment simply because it gives me, or whoever is working, a sense of autonomy.

I understand that my past with !@#$% has been checkered. I’ve had quarters with frequent absences, I usually eat while I’m working, and I sometimes check my email a little too frequently. While interning for !@#$% has taught me a lot about marketing and publicity, I also feel over the past two quarters, I’ve stopped enjoying it as much. For that reason, I would like to resign.

Please inform me of how you would prefer I do it. I understand this resignation is mid-quarter and I would like to accommodate the two departments as much as possible. Thank you for listening,

N.

This was the response she got not long afterwards:

From: H. (the boss)
Date: Apr 12, 2007 12:07 PM
Subject: RE: Work Thursday
To: N.E., K.N., A.K.

Hi N.,

Thanks for your message and for helping us understand your feelings.

First, I’d like to apologize for my message regarding eating while on the job. It’s was unfair on my part, and I’m very sorry. We want you to enjoy your time with us and be comfortable having lunch, as well as taking personal calls and emails.

We’d very much like to work out something that might be agreeable to you within the dual aspects of the position. As I mentioned yesterday, our press mailings for the 06-07 season are complete and - thanks to your help - the clippings are, too. We really appreciate all that you contribute and for looking at the “bigger picture” while helping us with work that may not be as challenging for you.

Perhaps you might consider staying on to help Marketing? A.’s looking very much forward to speaking with you.

Kind regards, H.

This just goes to show that if you are being mistreated at work and believe yourself to be important to the company its your prerogative to stand up for yourself when threatened by your superiors. My guess is that when her other bosses saw the letter of resignation they made HW apologize for her letter. That’s why I love you, baby.

Yahoo’s Republican Bias Part II

  by anti-folk hero

Once again, Yahoo! has shielded America from a gruesome truth by altering a main headline on their news feed. The story was originally entitled, “Attacks Throughout Iraq kill at least 65,” but was changed later today to “Attacks Throughout Iraq Kill Dozens.” From 65 to dozens, eh? Softening the impact of the war is not in the interest of the American people. This is media censorship at its worst.

Bush Reinstates House Unamerican Activities Committee (HUAC)

Thought to be a relic of McCarthyism and witch-hunts, Bush brings back one of the most shameful institutions in American history. Amongst those being spied upon are hippies, children of hippies, the “hip,” those with hip replacements, hippos and the ones they love, hipsters, rohipnol users, and non-aryan-christian-white-republican-heterosexual-caucasians.

Beware: the HUAC could be that friendly fellow at the Mest concert, or that waitress that gave you the eye at Denny’s the other night. The government will not stop until enemies of the state have been imprisoned and short-shackled to the ground in foreign army bases. Don’t like Bush? It could be YOU that they come after next.

Judge: Beverly Hills H.S. Did Not Cause Cancer

Read the story here.  Frankly, I don’t think the judge’s decision was a good one.

House Approves Roves, Miers Subpoenas

TAKE THAT NEO-FASCISTS!

Black Snake Moan: Utter Shit-pile

by anti-folk hero

Let’s see, where can I begin to start talking about this horrible turd fest of a movie? Samuel L. Jackson plays a po’ boy farmer who is also a god-quoting blues revivalist. Christina Ricci is a complete nympho who gets heroin-withdrawal cravings for cock. She gets beat up and left by the side of the road, Samuel L. (or Laz, as he is called) finds her, puts her on the couch, goes into town, magically cures her cough, learns she’s a slut and then chains her to the radiator to “cure her” of her cock cravings. Sounds like it might be interesting, right?

Wrong. There are big patches of nothing, disconnected characters, and a whole mess of scenes that could easily be cut out (which would make this sucker run a bit more smoothly). Samuel L. can’t play the modest farmer for long, often displaying his machismo first by breaking a bottle on a pool table next to his brother’s head and then singing a blues song where he keeps saying “motherfucker” and talking about shooting somebody in the chest with a 44 (what original fare!). Add to this a whole slew of unnecessary characters, including: Ricci’s insane mother (who is unforgiving when confronted about letting her old boyfriends rape the young Ricci), Laz’s church-going-pharmacist-love-interest, a preacher, a bartender, a young boy, Ricci’s boyfriend (played by pretty boy Justin Timberlake, who spends most of his time on screen yelling, starting fights and generally trying to prove to the world that he isn’t a total pussy, when in fact he is exactly that, a pussy), a 300 pound black crack dealer and many more. The plot is non-existent, which leaves the movie as a poor attempt to reconcile a man who lost his wife, a woman who lost her ability to fuck everything that moves, and a poor attempt to revive the blues, and you have black snake moan.

The product placement was especially egregious. Gibson obviously paid someone on set to use only Gibson guitars for Samuel L. Jackson’s artificially applauded performances (where after each 30 second song, the entire house went completely bananas). His acoustic guitar was some brand new, clean, ridiculously expensive guitar, which was especially poorly placed as Laz was poor and had to sell vegetables off of the back of his truck. His electric was a disgusting magenta colored Gibson ES-335 with decals spelling out “L-A-Z” on the side of it. You know, to add authenticity. Yeah, like this podunk pea farmer would have a five thousand dollar custom shop magenta Gibson ES-335 sitting under his bed and be selling vegetables. Why don’t you just replace his tractor with an Escalade? The effect is the same.

All in all, this is a terrible movie with a sub par but completely expected performance from Samuel L (say “what” again) Jackson while Ricci’s part was hot and sexy but ultimately not interesting. I place the blame on the writer and director, however, who obviously couldn’t edit this diarrhea milkshake into something watchable.